We have patterns we’ve created and patterns we’ve picked up from others. As I got deeper into my self discovery journey, I began to realize how many of the habitual behavioral patterns I had developed no longer served me. Many never did. It’s hard to break habitual patterns once we are solidly in them. Even harder to recognize the ones that are doing us more harm than good. The things we do without thinking, repeatedly, that do not produce positive results. Those that keep us stuck. There are many studies and resources about the power of habits, how to break bad ones and how to build good ones. The first step is simply recognizing your own.
The exploration of my patterns was born out of wanting to feel better. I was tired of feeling sick, exhausted, stressed out and anxious all the time. I had this life that looked great from the outside, but never felt great on the inside. I wanted to change that. I needed to change that. After I failed to get help from the western medical system, I started studying different healing modalities which led me to go inside, study myself and the habitual patterns that were making me sick.
I started examining the physical, mental, emotion and spiritual patterns throughout my life. The pattern that was holding me back the most was living at the level of good enough. It impacted me across all of these categories. I liked my job – good enough. My days were – good enough. I took care of myself – good enough. My relationships were – good enough. Until they weren’t and I felt sick and stuck. As I sat with this pattern, I realized it was rooted in fear. The fear of being big. The fear of reaching my full potential. The fear of living fully. Full circle back to beliefs. I didn’t believe I really deserved it. I felt unworthy. I didn’t believe I was really good enough. So I settled with good enough. From the outside looking in, I had been successful in everything I had done – but just successful enough. I have always held myself back. Never reaching my full potential. Until I decided living like that wasn’t good enough.
You can find a multitude of articles and studies that speak to end of life regrets. People wishing they didn’t work so hard, wishing they had spent more time with loved ones, taken more risks, etc. Too many of us develop patterns and stick to them our whole lives, only realizing they didn’t serve us when it feels too late. As my mother entered her 80s, I started to see first hand how these regrets show up. Her realization that she never gave herself a chance, never took risks or tried anything new, never learning to really love herself and create the life she deserved. It took me a long time to realize I can’t fix it for her. Her life is her own. I can’t repeat that history. My life must be my own too. This means the pattern of good enough can never be good enough. At the end of my life I want to look back and say “I squeezed every last drop out of this life. It was fully lived.”
I want to help you achieve that too.
Love & Light,
Spend some time thinking about the habits and patterns guiding your life. Are there things you have repeatedly said you wanted to do or change, but never have? Write them down. Now write down a list of the things you repeatedly do. What takes up your time? Spend some time in the gap of how you want to live and how you actually live and you will start to see the patterns that keep you from where you want to be. Awareness is the first step.